You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
