i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
