dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
