i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
