Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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