Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
