so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
