I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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