You smell like a Billy Joel song
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize