If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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