For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
