i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
