Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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