it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
