i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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