we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
