4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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