That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
