Pants 0. Shit 1.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
