the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Come on in and take your pants off
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