I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize