My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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