He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
