is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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