Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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