so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
