thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
