Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
