this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
