I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
