Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
