She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
