Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
did you just send me my own nude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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