I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
nut hugger
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
