Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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