is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
