i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
