it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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