never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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