I am midnight drunk by noon
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I want a musical about memes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
