Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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