wanna go halves on a baby?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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