He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I want is dick and wine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
