Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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