I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
