I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
