is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
