im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
