If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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