That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
