so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
