if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
