i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
