he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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