party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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