dude i'm inner monologue high
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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