DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
