Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
