It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
