I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize