It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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