I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
