Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
