can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
