i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
